I hate not knowing. There are some mysteries in life that are intriguing enough to leave as mysteries, but when life is so foggy and short-sighted – it bothers me. I am not a fan of curves in the road, much less uphill blind-spot turns that leave you guessing about a lot of things. I like flat and straight roads. And when the curves come, I like them wide enough to see around the bend to take care of my speed as I go around and prepare for what is coming at me.
King David said that God was his "lamp unto his feet and a light unto his path" (Ps. 119:105). I feel like I am learning to really trust in God’s lamp first, His close range perspective, before turning my gaze upon His long-distance light/view for my path. If God has not changed the situation, He is arranging for His purpose(s) to be accomplished. He has a reason for all the questions that I have for where I find myself right now. He has a reason for this season in my life. In both cases, the lamp and light are God's Word and need to be consulted, then applied appropriately.
I see possibilities of what this danger zone in my life-road could be, but they are just that – possibilities. It is like turning on your high beams on a car and getting a glimpse of what is ahead, but then you must turn your high beams off in consideration for others coming your way. I look in God’s Word and see Scripture that may give me insight toward my place on this path right now. But then I find myself concerned with serving or distracted or back to wondering.
The encouraging things are: (1) God is with me, (2) He knew I would go through this, (3) He has a plan for me and (4) will enlighten me in His perfect timing. In the meantime, as I travel the path of my blind-spot curves and hills I cannot see over, I am so blessed by God with an incredibly supportive wife, family and friends that love me. For now, I can see the path in front of me and this is good because you know how I hate indecision. I have God and all my people by my side, plus, I am loved. When you know that you are loved, have felt that and experienced it too, the boost to one’s spirit is amazing.